I am the future, a global citizen of technology bound to the development of alternative music, and I want to work for WARP records.

Contact:
(325)-518-1058
wjtan@mail.umhb.edu

*cough* It’s nice to be able to look back and see that life wasn’t always perfect or disastrous, and that I think I did a good job of keeping my days full =)

Wish me luck.

Please do forgive me for my infrequent updates.. It surprises me that even though this blog has long since ceased to be the daily quiet room of mine, it still retains a healthy amount of visits to the archives. (Has anyone met the crypt keeper?)

Well, in case you were wondering what is worth reading on here. My stats show that a majority of the 50 people a day have looked at Old tribal designs, A Henna tattoo, MY kind of boy (I guess men are still trying to figure us girls out.), and CHEESY wedges (Thank you KFC, and Gary from high school btw.) What a strange combination, you silly readers, thank you for still reading though =D

Anyways, I have not much to say here today. Much like a person who I’ve ceased to talk to, but have shared many memories with, this blog may stand as reminder of our mutual past and now and then I may even start some small talk. Hopefully, I will remember its name. Don’t you just hate it when you forget someone’s name while they affectionately call yours out upon meeting. Oh gosh, it’s just so.. awkward.

Well, my blog will never forget my name, and I will remember meeting it, all those years ago, from when it was a Friendster which evolved into a Blogspot, which upgraded to a WordPress, all due to my best friend’s pressuring. (Sufiz is blog-dead now, FYI.) Now, I have almost no relevant readers, or real reason to keep a running record of thoughts or events, and college is definitely a discouraging factor.

(Keeping off the Freshman 15 or the other not as famous pounds of future college years is already so over-talked about that I just don’t feel right subjecting readers to another spiel.)

So, until the next time we meet my dear blog, I guess I have made another pleasant little memory with you. May you do the same too reader.

I am very fond of you, you know? =)

Every passing memory,
Echoes in with temptous beat.
Whether it had bitter ends,
Know it was, a miraculous feat.

I want you all to know, that no matter now our lives inter-connected, no matter how painful the memories sometimes, I pray your forgiveness, as I openly give forgiveness.

Life is nothing without a bit of salt, or sour asam to truly appreciate the sweetness of those moments I shared and hope to continue sharing with you.

I miss you all, and wish to make new memories with you.

Cheers to Miracles: Past, Present and Future.

I need to write this rant.. Just for me.
There needn’t be any explanations, or justifications, there just simply has to be a need.
And I’m tired…

I really am just heartbroken.
I feel like walking away right now, and just let what’s left of the fading facade of my happiness crumble and crush me beneath the pain and despair.

Such futile struggles..
Such hapless words..

What am I doing here?
Why am I still here?

Here they supply me with a book, possibly one with a camera-ready smile and reassuring DIY Fix.
I’m raring to get my life on track, so much so that the mud has already flung itself into my heated face while my life decides to fight itself deeper into a fix.

Am I so committed to this goal-less quest that I would sacrifice Joy, Sleep, Energy, Youth, Time.. Faith?

Or maybe it isn’t sacrifice.. But Loss. Loss of childhood dreams, ambition and determination.

The carefree abandon of roots dug deep in my heart ripped, no, torn away..
Yet they are not so greedy as merely young..
Easily too focused on themselves to remember me..
And as the mother tree withers..
No one weeps in distress of it’s once gloriously strong rhythm.

So here I am, truly alone, unable to grow on foreign land.

Sometimes, I sound like this:

Fortune cookie FAIL. by *slateman

Maybe it’s the corny slices of wisdom I’m dishing out to everyone, or the cheesy lines spread on thickly to convey some kind of reason…

But darn it, that’s how I make sense of life.

XP

Money money money by *duchesse-2-Guermante

One day, when you’re earning your own money…

Which is coincidentally my parent’s favourite answer to “Why not?”

What would you do?

——————————–

Would you go back to school?

Would you travel around the world?

Would you wine and dine on delicious creations?

Would you start a family, and become the best spouse and parent possible?

Would you work tirelessly on a project that generations after you will make use of?

Would you buy lavishly expensive things that are not practical, but make you feel good anyways?

Would you start up a new business that would become immensely successful, and receive recognition for it?

Would you go on marvelous adventures that will remain unwaveringly, the best memories of your life?

Would you take a class to pursue the growth of a talent thirsty for your attention?

Would you give a portion of it away to the needy?

Would you build and personalize a home?

Would you give back to your God?

———————–

Would you?

Did I ever do anything meaningful, or mean anything to you in school/college/church/life?

Did I ever do anything for you?

Was I ever a good friend to you?

Have I ever made you laugh or cry (and was there for you when you did)?

Did I every write anything that made you feel better, or make you want to change?

Did I write or say anything that helped you help others?

Did I ever listen to you?

Did I ever show you respect or earned yours?

Was I ever an influence to you or others?

[ YES ? ]

It is a platform game which allows you to choose between obeying or disobeying the voice which instructs you throughout the game.

By obeying the voice, you get through the world easier, though your world will become dark.

By disobeying however, you may get hurt more and have to rely on your own experimentation to get through the world, but your world will be lit up in colors beyond counting.

I recommend trying both.

Click here

Not that it was in any way bad, she was and is extremely awesome for being the “mature-er” cousin. ;P

But the changes I’ve undergone since I’ve left are just so apparent now that I’ve returned. But I left pretty much straight out of high school, and learned to be arguably independent (Note my disclaimer!), returning only to find to a rather blurry line of how I was to behave and be treated. As a kid, or an adult?

Walk the line by ~PhilipMatthews

Well, either way, I think studying overseas and being pushed out of my comfort zone were key experiences to how I turned out. Before this, I was quiet, frustrated and very much spoiled. Now, I’m more laid back, yet hyper (Interesting how that turns out.), outspoken, more prone to laughter, and ready and willing to wing it.

I’ve been having people over at my house, actually taking an interest in fashion, exploring KL, taking the LRT, performing on stages, trying to get Malaysians to dance the Cupid Shuffle in Sunway mall, meeting incredible young talents, so full of life.

All this makes me look back and think,

“I did not do enough when I was younger.”

If anything, leaving home has taught me to look at my country in another light, to be more critical yet more nostalgic and appreciative of everything.

So for that, I thank you, America

“Slacker Girl”

By Lex Tan

The main character of the novel, “Slacker Girl”, is Jane Cooper, a New Yorker who embroiders in an Italian cafe, shuns the nine to five hour schedule, and frequently ponders her relationship with The Universe.  If that’s not strange enough, she is somehow still a corporate relationship manager, though probably by bribing her office manager A.K.A. Miss Piss & Vinegar with “hush pastry”

The author, Alexandra Koslow, further complicates our witty heroine’s pursuit of leisure by providing her with a best friend of 10 years, Rebecka, who of course, is Jane’s utterly exasperated, different (better?) half. Further complicating the mix, is a hip boss, Ray, who could not be any more understanding of Jane’s unique work ethic, which definitely contributes to his dismay when she decides to go on a (to put it lightly, untimely) holiday, right after he makes the ultimate New Yorker’s sacrifice – putting his career on the line, so that she can keep hers. Even as other characters traipse in and out of the story, the stage is set for the familiar theatrics and unexpected twists.

A riveting read, both entertaining and quirky, the author hits home with a hard look at New York’s infamous work ethic with well-phrased narratives from our lovable Jane’s point of view, such as, “People so identify with their jobs and careers that working hard in a particular industry is now the sorority or fraternity to join after college, and we are very Greek Town.” The resplendent array of colorful characters and descriptive scenery introduced in this story are both familiar and outrageous, creating a smooth blend that relaxes and amuses the reader. Overall, it is a light read, suitable for study-aholics who want to take a look into the mind of a true blue connoisseur of leisure, or those who just need something to enjoy a slight respite from textbooks.

Slacker Girl is Koslow’s first novel, and in my books, a strong starter. Be forewarned though, even while the message in this book is light-hearted and enjoyable, this book does contain the use of coarse language and several situations more suited to a mature audience.

Clock by ~baraniaczek

I have exactly 10 minutes to type something down before going for my class, Game Theory…

Maybe I work under pressure, finding a ten minute time slot the silent calm in the eye of a tornado/cyclone, that I may focus on the task at hand, and bloom with productivity.

Or maybe I leak beads of sweat, anxiously wiping them away, smearing charcoal eyeliner and producing cloudy shallow puddles of gray, while I struggle to bring to this world some form of contribution.

Or maybe I rush through my work with an insanity and fervor unmatched, producing a jaw-dropping amount of work, which upon further inspection, is found lacking in quality.

Or maybe…

I think too much.

Time’s Up

Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

- Robert Frost

I thought of this poem when I rode through the countryside today. In the transition between Spring and Summer, it was as thought the abundance of nature had hid beneath the ground for too long. All of a sudden, everything had rushed impatiently to the surface, blooming and welcoming the golden warmth.

I could only describe the scenery as breath-taking.

Crisp clusters of glimmering emerald, dark satiny brushes of darkest green, and wisps of sugar-spun grass…

What could compare?

=P

However, I’ve also seen it used to describe certain fashion, which originated from Japan with the influence of Victorian English styles.

It’s pretty interesting, so take a look

http://www.lolitafashion.org/lolita_culture.php

Yesterday, I learned about confessional poets, and read a few works of Slyvia Plath and Anne Sexton. A confessional poet is basically one who writes and emphasizes usually on the intimate and unflattering details of one’s life, and has the power to make a reader slightly uncomfortable. The Academy of American Poets define confessional poetry as “(…) the poetry of the personal or “I.”"

 Slyvia Plath’s works disturbed throughly, reminding me of an eerie nursery rhyme, written so simply that a child may understand, but with connotations so deep that a child should ever meet with some (of these poems). In fact, I also learnt in class the details of her suicide, she turned on her oven, knelt before it, and stuck her head into it, pilot light off..

I wonder, how it feels like…

Their works intrigue me, enticing temptations, as dazzling and dangerous as a dancing fire…

Well…

Should I try writing a confessional poem?

Creative Zen Stone Plus by *slauk

With 2 GB of space simply begging to be replaced by songs in my Zen Stone, each time I plug my mp3 player into the USB port is a trial in itself. I am faced with two simply devastatingly tempting thoughts which decide if the poor song cowering before my judgment gets to hop off my list of ‘barely listened to” songs, and onto a higher playing field.

1. Is it a ‘me’ song, or a ‘people’ song?

Basically, if it is a song I enjoy listening to, and will continue to do so frequently, it’s a ‘me’ song. However, about 10% of my library also consists of songs that are basically “people-pleasers”, songs that are more mainstream that I may not think exactly amazing, but pave the way when I try to introduce friends to newer songs.

2. What mood is it?

I usually leave the heartbreak, the slow and the “jiwang” on my laptop. Whatever is on my Zen Stone stays true to the energetic, the angry and the mellow.

It’s a tough choice, which usually takes up hours at a time, and ends with me breathlessly unplugging my player, swearing never to undertake such a tedious task ever again…

Until the next time

Please no more salad by =MissHeroin

“My salad’s bigger than yours!’

It irks me a little that the lowly salad has been elevated to the point that when people go out to feast, men and women alike have been instructed to restrain theirselves from GOOD FOOD! And be told to content themselves with little more than flavoured liquids drizzled over lettuce leaves.

 In my opinion, when I attend a buffet or intend to pay for a meal, I would gladly exchange cash or credit for something that would please both my internal organs as well as my aesthetic ones. But a pile of leaves, whether designer, gourmet, fresh, organic or not… Even if it’s covered in caviar, cream, cheese, croutons or meat slices, does not exactly filter into my idea of a “meal”.

 I believe it is just wildly overrated, and that as long as you eat and live healthily, it is not required that you focus on buying products that the media sells as “Low-Carbs”, “Diet”, “Fat-burning” or “I can’t believe it’s not…!”

I’m sure I’m familiar with the term, “Eat to live, not live to eat.” But I’m sure that given a choice, I would rather spend $10 on a bellyful of an entrée, with maybe a side or crave-sating dessert, rather than any humongous, super-sized…

Salad.

Mr. Curiosity – Jason Mraz

This songs just reels me in, with it’s beautiful melancholy piano, quirky lyrics carrying a pleading tone, vibrating deep into my heart and soul…

I feel sometimes, when you get burnt, you take precautions to not get burnt again. It’s a smart decision in my opinion, but I also think that never making fire again is excessive. Also, knowing the stubborn spirit inside of me, I may never stop taking chances, no matter how many times you hear the ambulance wailing towards me in frustration (Not again!).

See, I’ll learn from my mistakes, yes.

But I don’t want to be a case of “learned helplessness“, where tall walls intimidate and exhaust me into despair and defeat, to the point that when they are replaced by a shorter fence, they mock at me while I stand, not daring to try to escape again…

Not believing in myself, no longer breaking through obstacles…

Now, wouldn’t that be a tragedy?

So won’t you help me, Mister Curiosity?

Here’s the thing…

I’m a mess.

Whether it’s my room, my closet, my desk, or my To-Do list.. I really don’t think anyone could be anymore unorganized or better than me at procrastination, or as the book I’ve recently reviewed in The Brand newspaper puts it, “the art of slacking” The book’s title? Aptly named Slacker Girl, by Alexandra Koslow.

Reading that book (obviously in a defiant act of leisure), I’ve can truly understand how ridiculous it may seem to put a career as the center stage of your life. However, I do look at it as a challenge, but one that lasts as long as it will go. When watching “Varsity Blues”, a football movie based in West Texas (Which my ex-football player boyfriend tells me that the portrayal of what football means in that culture be very true), I heard a pep talk that I wished I had heard back when I was on the basketball team. I’m not much of a speaker, so I think I’ll put this video clip on here for y’all to hear it in person. (1:55 -2:08)

In the meantime, I’m heading off to clean my act up.

Wish me luck