Pastoral thoughts…

If I were a pastry in a bakery…
you know what I do?

I look as UNAPPETISING as possible. Why? Because if I strived look deliciously mouth-watering, so as to be bought and consumed immediately, I would face an extremely undesirable chain of events. Duhh…

Let’s spectulate on what happens.

Unavoidable scenario should I want to be bought and eaten:

Firstly I would be placed in a human mouth, with bad breath and plaque, and chewed. I’m sure that would hurt quite a bit, plus, the thought of me being chewed up… of me being in another human beings mouth, is disgusting. Then again… I am a pastry… Well, after that…uhmm…very horrible imagined situation, I would be digested and turned into colourless mush. Finally… I would be turned into crap, and discharged into the sewer main.


Scenario 1
I could be discreetly removed from my display stand and thrown into the garbage bag. The garbage collector would pick up the bag, walk to garbage truck, trip, watch me roll out of the bag, shrug, and leave me, all alone, on the dusty tarmac as the birds peck away mercilessly at my broken and battered body.

Bird… Human… Same crap. =.=” I don’t like being alone… Not the the best scenario. >.< Scenario 2
Some poor guy could come along and still decide to eat the stale pastry. Figures.

Need I say more???

Scenario 3
I expire, grow mould, and will be ‘donated’ to the homeless shelter across the road, and eaten.

Uhh… Mould makes me look fat. Same crap anyways.

Scenario 4
Plane crashes into the bakery and I get burned into ashes. After that, I will be trampled into the vacant lot and mix with dog pee to become organic fertilliser.

Not that keen on cremations, not to mention the annointing of dog excrement… >.< Scenario 5
Bakery assisstant sneaks a bite of me, gets food poisoning and dies.

Are you kidding? I don’t want to risk causing harm. What was that? The assisstant? What about him? I was talking about myself. =P

Scenario 6

Same crap. I hate mice more. They nibble.

Well… I guess the bottomline and final result would be…


Never wish to be a pastry… or any other matter which is not a homo sapien for that matter. It’s simply not cut out to become a frog, just to get a beautiful wife who loves amphibians. Trust me. =P


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